[This is a sequel to a previous post, entitled Bridge-building in A Chaotic World.]
Bridge-building with other cultures and people from other religious
backgrounds must start with asking a few questions and then taking time to
really listen. What is their story? Who are their family? What brings them joy
or sadness? What is their direction, their goal that they are seeking? What are
some of the most deeply held values that assist them in their life journey? I
am also interested in their impressions of Christianity and Christians prior to
this time and what has formed those opinions.
If we don’t ask and then sit quietly to listen over coffee
or tea how will we know where to start building a bridge or if it is
necessary? Perhaps there are strong bridge members already in place that need
to be identified. There are a couple of things we can do that will sabotage the
pre-building process. The first thing is to treat the listening process as a means
to a unilaterally desired end. As impatient task-oriented Westerners, we often
want to cut through the relational ceremony and get down to business. But what
if the other person considers the relational ceremony as a business?
A second
thing we can do that will render the listening stage non-relational is if we
are listening only as a means to know what to say in response. Many years
ago I used to view a conversation like a chess match and would be thinking at
least a couple of responses ahead. I swore it off as violating one of my core
values, that of hearing and being heard. People can tell the difference between
a dialogue and a disguised monologue so we need to stop fooling ourselves.
My late father was a wildlife biologist and wetlands scientist
who made his living doing environmental impact studies that must occur before any major construction project. It seems to me that the
listening phase of bridge-building is somehow like a relational environmental impact
study.
Some have grown cynical from the too frequent “public meetings” hosted by our elected officials where they never seem to really care what the public says unless it agrees with what leaders have already made up their minds to do. Has the world grown cynical towards our Christian efforts at bridge-building because we don’t listen (or are perceived not to listen)? I don't want to contribute to such impressions.
If these concepts resonate with you, Multnomah Biblical Seminary offers both a MA in Applied Theology and a Doctor of Ministry degree that incorporates such issues of cross-cultural engagement. This post is a sample of something that was initially written as a class assignment for that program. I invite you to check out this bridge-building program as a paradigm for the ministry of God's unchanging love in the midst of this changing world.
Also, a listening-related post that looks at whether God hears our deepest cries can be found in Psalm 22 “Unanswered Call… Answered”.
Bridge-building with other cultures and people from other religious
backgrounds must start with asking a few questions and then taking time to
really listen. What is their story? Who are their family? What brings them joy
or sadness? What is their direction, their goal that they are seeking? What are
some of the most deeply held values that assist them in their life journey? I
am also interested in their impressions of Christianity and Christians prior to
this time and what has formed those opinions.If we don’t ask and then sit quietly to listen over coffee
or tea how will we know where to start building a bridge or if it is
necessary? Perhaps there are strong bridge members already in place that need
to be identified. There are a couple of things we can do that will sabotage the
pre-building process. The first thing is to treat the listening process as a means
to a unilaterally desired end. As impatient task-oriented Westerners, we often
want to cut through the relational ceremony and get down to business. But what
if the other person considers the relational ceremony as a business? A second
thing we can do that will render the listening stage non-relational is if we
are listening only as a means to know what to say in response. Many years
ago I used to view a conversation like a chess match and would be thinking at
least a couple of responses ahead. I swore it off as violating one of my core
values, that of hearing and being heard. People can tell the difference between
a dialogue and a disguised monologue so we need to stop fooling ourselves.
While individualism is rooted in interests, personhood is
tied to relationships. If we are going to have a relationship then we must fully
listen to one another without feeling the compulsion to rebut, correct, fix, or
persuade them to another point of view. Certainly, that may come as we
acknowledge our respective convictions, but it must not be the purpose of our “listening.”
As I mentioned in a previous post when building a bridge the builders need to pick the right site, materials, and design. Similarly, if I don’t make myself
teachable to those I am trying to connect then the relational "bridge" will in some way fail
to deliver that which it promises. If we can’t be trusted to safely treasure
the story, needs, and longings of others then our efforts at bridge-building
will be seen more as an invasion and an occupation rather than an authentic
connection.
My late father was a wildlife biologist and wetlands scientist
who made his living doing environmental impact studies that must occur before any major construction project. It seems to me that the
listening phase of bridge-building is somehow like a relational environmental impact
study.
How can I learn what God is already doing in a person’s life if I don’t take
time to sit and listen and watch? How can we assess how our efforts to “help”
may actually hinder if we don’t listen to the still small voice of the Lord
amidst our relentless pressing forward with our projects? I recently sat with a
businessman who confessed to being a terrible listener and being bothered by
that flaw. He was right. He was loud, opinionated, and more interested in what
he had to say than what I was saying. But at least he was honest about the
prevailing winds in his relationships and how they would affect any bridge-building in his life. He also desired to change and had opened his life to be
mentored in this area.
Some have grown cynical from the too frequent “public meetings” hosted by our elected officials where they never seem to really care what the public says unless it agrees with what leaders have already made up their minds to do. Has the world grown cynical towards our Christian efforts at bridge-building because we don’t listen (or are perceived not to listen)? I don't want to contribute to such impressions.
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| Photo by Kayle Kaupanger on Unsplash |
Also, a listening-related post that looks at whether God hears our deepest cries can be found in Psalm 22 “Unanswered Call… Answered”.
We do have agendas, don't we? But as you said, Greg, "People can tell the difference between a dialogue and a disguised monologue so we need to stop fooling ourselves." What if our primary agenda were simply to love? Isn't that exactly what Jesus taught us - to be revealers of His Kingdom by the reality of our love for one another and for the world? Our love for one another is our first witness. Our love for others is our second - it makes us look a little bit more like our Savior.
ReplyDeleteThanks Mark...I agree!
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DeleteGreg, thanks for your post. Taking the time to sit and listen to the stories of people from different cultures and beliefs are so important when it comes to building bridges and being dimplomatic. Listening is a basic communication skill, but it's one that we have yet to master. We often let our presumptions about those we encounter keep us from asking good questions, because we think we already know the answer. One of my favorite Tedtalks speaks to this subject in a way. It's called a single story by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie http://youtu.be/D9Ihs241zeg In her talk Chimamanda expounds on the issue of how limiting people to a single story based on our limited understanding of them can prevent us from ever really knowing who that person truly is. I would also add that it prevents us from the having the kind of conversations necessary for healthy, loving, and diplomatic relationships. Thanks again for your post.
ReplyDeleteThanks Ashley! I love this idea of how a "single story" filter greatly hinders understanding. I find that is we are preoccupied with our plans and our response we grab and snatch from a person's story only what is useful to our own...and in the process reject the gift of hearing from God through them.
DeleteWhat an interesting point. I appreciate your focus on the topic of listening. We cannot overstate the power of listening. I recently told a class of up and coming Pastors that a good leader is a listening leader. I think that leaders tend to be talkers; "long on mouth and short on ears" as my high-school coach used to say. Listening tends to be viewed as less important. People want direction and so the current church climate tends to prioritize one directional communication; leaders telling. I was introduced to the principles of sacred listening in my first year of seminary; it was painful to learn. I tend to be terrible at listening; I am getting better. As I age, I have less energy to talk, I feel as though I do not have as much to say regarding the situations of people's lives. The answer to your question: "How can I learn what God is already doing in a person’s life if I don’t take time to sit and listen...?" I don't think that you can; not realistically. To further the line of thinking, how can we learn, for ourselves, about what God is doing in our lives as we listen to others? Listening is a deliberate act of worship; one that offers great reward to those who learn how to do it.
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